Through Her Eyes
Rediscovering the girl I lost.
I went on an adventure today. Along with my beautiful dog Maddie, I visited Hollywood Cemetery here in Richmond. This isn’t anything truly newsworthy; I’ve been there countless times in the two and a half years we’ve called Virginia home. What I found worth discussing was the experience. This was my first trip out there since I stepped away from my creative alter ego, Twisted Libra. In truth, I have been avoiding going to the cemetery because I wanted to wait until it felt like something I actually longed to do, and not something I was doing in the ongoing quest for more content. Today was that day.
I took my time. I enjoyed the peaceful scenery. I breathed in the fresh air. I even smiled when the sun hit my face. I did take a few pictures, but this time I simply photographed moments of beauty. In the past, I would take huge amounts of photos trying to find just the right “spooky” angle, then I would spend even more time doing edits to achieve the gloomy, haunted imagery I used to post online. I realize now that, while I was doing all that, I had been missing out on the simple beauty of the cemetery. I posted my pictures today with no edits other than some cropping to fit Instagram. I also took the least amount of pictures ever. In total, I have seven pictures and one ten second video of Maddie. Instead, I enjoyed the walk, the peace, the laughs with my beloved animal companion, and the gorgeous weather.
Over these last few weeks, I have been on an unintentional journey of rediscovery. As much as I hate to admit this, the truth is I had somehow allowed Twisted Libra to overshadow my actual self. My trips to the cemetery were focused on dark content. My playlist on Spotify was nothing but Goth, Metal, and what I affectionately call “screamy-screamy.” My clothing was nothing but black with the occasional wisp of grey or burgundy. While I still appreciate dark clothing and even darker music, that’s only one small side of me. However, I was afraid to publicly embrace anything outside the gothic realm, lest it not fit into the “Twisted Libra” aesthetic. Some parts of me were shut away for so long, I nearly forgot them.
The music I loved as a kid and a teenager is filling my Spotify these days. Rock, Pop, Country, Oldies, Rap…and my brain still knows all the lyrics. While my TBR is still 97% horror, I’ve branched out from only the vampire genre to multiple genres of interest. I also love reading biographies. The latest I read was Christina Applegate’s. I did read a so-called “dark romance” recently. You know, smut. I bought it not realizing what genre it was, okay? No judgment, it’s just not my cup of tea. The story was decent, but if I want dirty sex, I’ll just have it. I don’t really need to read about it.
My point is, I lost myself for many years. I look forward to bringing her back and letting her thrive. My philosophies, my preferences, my quirks…these traits stayed buried too long. Consider me freshly exhumed. I saw one of my favorite places today with eyes that are both old and new. It felt fantastic. This isn’t a reversal; this is an embrace of who I was while she grows into her authentic self. I look forward to this journey of self-discovery.
